Verbal abuse is actually a type of emotional abuse. It plays on your psyche, making you second-guess everything about yourself. It is an invisible abuse that uses words to dominate, ridicule, manipulate or degrade another person. It is a way to control and have power over another human being.

Oftentimes, verbal abuse can be subtle, and victims will often question whether they are experiencing actual abuse. Perhaps it is not a big deal, and they are making more out of it than they should be.

But ask yourself if you experience fear about confronting your abuser for things they have said. Do you walk on eggshells whenever they are near you? Do you often feel like you can’t share things about yourself for fear of being mocked or ridiculed?

“Oh, poor Tonja, your life is so bad! Everyone is always picking on you. You poor baby.”
“You’re too sensitive.”

“Oh, here we go again! You figured out how to be manipulative by bringing on the waterworks just to get your way.”

These are things I have heard all my life, from both family members and in romantic relationships. It made me want to hide my emotions. It made me hate myself because I was so sensitive and cried all the time. To this very day, I loathe crying in front of people.

Verbal abuse can take many forms, including, but not limited to:

BLAMING

Making the person believe that they are responsible for the verbal onslaught, that they brought it on themselves. “If you weren’t such a snot-nosed brat, I wouldn’t have to treat you this way.” “The only time we have issues is when you refuse to do what I say exactly when and how I say to do it!”

GASLIGHTING

This is an insidious, and sometimes covert, invisible abuse that makes a person question their own judgement and reality. I will be touching on this later.

NAME-CALLING

Insults like these can chip away at a person’s self-esteem and sense of self-concept. Mean and hateful names at the hands of those who profess to love us can be exceptionally harmful.

“You’re nothing but a little slut, aren’t you? I saw you standing at the edge of the parking lot with those boys. What were you doing in the woods with them?”

“No, you dumb c*nt! You’re such a stupid idiot! I said push the coffee grinder straight back and all the way to the left, and I do NOT want to see any cord showing! Can’t you get anything right?”

THREATENING

These types of verbal abuse are meant to intimidate, control, frighten, and manipulate someone into doing exactly what their abuser wants. There is no better way to control someone than to make them fearful if they don’t comply.

“If you don’t stop crying right now, you can’t go to school.” “You better wipe that look off your face before I wipe it off for you.”

Verbal abuse is an invisible abuse that can and will impact every element of your life, from your own academic performance to friendships and romantic relationships, and even success in the work environment. If you’re constantly ridiculed at home, you won’t be able to handle work criticism constructively, because you will internalize it and take it as a personal affront.