Post By MISS STORMM
Sexual abuse is any interaction between two peole where one person is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or observer without their consent. It is an abuse that can include both touching and non-touching behaviors. Sexual violence and abuse can be physical, psychological, verbal, or even online. Any behavior of a sexual nature that causes you distress is considered sexual abuse.
I was sexually molested by two foster fathers before the age of 3. Thankfully, I was too young to remember anything that transpired. I do remember as a child having the feeling that certain males in my life looked at me differently. Now I realize that some were actually learing at me, undressing me with their eyes as they told me how I was such a pretty little girl as I was growing up.
Sexual abuse is an invisible abuse because it often goes unreported. In the case of childhood sexual abuse, the victims are often too young to understand what is happening to them and thus cannot express themselves and seek out help.
Most people think of molestation or rape when they hear the term sexual abuse. But in fact, most childhood sexual abuse does not involve intercourse at all. Subtle forms of abuse, often called covert sexual abuse, can come in many forms and involve lots of emotional abuse and manipulation. I will touch on a few here:
NUDITY
The adult or orlder child parades around the house in front of the child. Sally, my mother's lesbian girlfriend, used to put on that fake tanning lotion, QT, and walk around the house nude, telling us it "needed to dry before she could get dressed." Until starting my research on sexual abuse, I did not realize that this was, in fact, an act of covert sexual abuse. I'm only just starting to open myself up to realizing and accepting this part of my life.
OVERT OBSERVATION
Let me clarify this. This is not a protective person of authority watching over you to keep you safe from harm. This is someone who surreptitiously watches another person undress, bathe, or even use the bathroom. We've all heard of peep holes in dressing rooms and bathrooms!
When I was 17, I was living with a friend while I finished high school. I had been having problems with my mother and Sally, and they told me I could not come home. My friend's family took pity on me and took me in. But I did not like the way her father wouuld look at me. He was in the military and very intimidating. He used to tell me that my body needed to breathe at night, and so recommended that I not wear any apajamas to bed. This made me very uncomfortable and I shared this with my friend, but she just brushed it off as him trying to be nice to me. She said he told her the same thing. My bedroom was downstairs, right next to her parents' room. I remember waking up one night with a start. I opened my eyes and I saw her father standing in my doorway, just watching me. I quickly closed my eyes and laid very still. He eventually went back to his own room.
INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS
The adult or older child makes inappropriate comments about another person's body. In the workplace, we call this sexual harassment. This can also include making comments about a persons developing body, or even someone asking you to share personal details about your dating life.
APPROACH BEHAVIOR
Any indirect or direct sexual suggestion an adult or older child makes towards a child. This can include sexual looks, innuendos, or suggestive gestures. Even if the older person never engaged in touching or took any overt sexual activity, the child still picks up on the sexual feelings that are being projected. (Think creepy uncle who tends to stare at you a little too long at family reunions.)
Survivors of this type of invisible abuse may be surprised to discover that behaviors that they thought were normal can actually be considered abusive and can cause severe damage to a person's psyche, in addition to causing great shame.
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